'Get married, make babies.You look so...old'
- From the movie 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding'-
Preface: I bet all the single women
out there, in their mid to late twenties, or thirty somethings, get to hear this A LOT:
‘Hey! When are you getting married?’ – And in your head you’re like ‘Hey! When
are you starting to mind your own business?’
This question is often followed by
phrases like 'You’re getting old! Stop the press! Your clock is ticking'.
And you want to scream at the top of your lungs saying 'You're getting
nasty! Stop this nonsense!'
At weddings and other family
gatherings, some 'aunties' hold you tight to their bosoms and exclaim 'Hey!
Hopefully, you're next in the red dress!' - First, the words echo in your head
like a hammer, then slowly you shake your head and register the tone and you
realize the words weren't uttered out of hope or encouragement but pity; as if
you're missing out on life because you aren't married hence not contributing
with the rest of the world toward the fulfillment of man’s (read 'woman’s')
only mission on earth.
In her eyes 'you're a poor girl'
whereas in your mind you are probably the only one at the gathering toasting
your freedom, high on your career triumphs, freely moving around in a fitted
dress, and oozing confidence with every step – Ah ! What a pity ! Poor us!
*sob* Does this sound like a sad story, by the way?
Anyway, this open letter is for
'those' aunties!
Dear
Aunty
Yes,
You! You are mostly found at family gatherings and weddings, wearing magic
telescopes equipped to catch singletons. Although, you're 'aunty', so to say,
but you could take many forms - even disguise yourself as a man. Yes! You've
the ability to do so. You look the worst in that avatar of yours.
Dear aunty ji, the problem is not us
getting or not getting married – the actual issue at hand is your assumption
that we WISH to be the next! Not every singleton desires to rush down the aisle
with her prince charming (like you probably did - is uncle your prince
charming? awww how cute!).
Not every single twenty or thirty
something is crying herself to sleep at night wondering where her proverbial
knight in shining armor is. We are not averse to the idea of getting married –
we would love to take the plunge someday at the right time, with the right
person but not today or tomorrow! At the moment, we are enjoying our freedom
and we wish to continue enjoying it for some time.
We
consider marriage a major life decision; so, we choose not to rush it! We
choose not to settle! We choose not to do the 'woe is me' single dance, rather
focus on ourselves. Marriage isn’t a goal, it’s an option. We believe that it
should be our calling, not yours or anyone else's.
We have much to offer and much to look
forward to, and so much still to do, see and learn. A partner will not be the
pinnacle of our lives. We don't doubt the happiness that marriage could bring
to some women but what’s right for one isn’t necessarily right for another (not
at this point, at least). And if we are single, it doesn't mean we don’t have
options – it could be a well planned choice, which it most certainly is!
We are not old. We are beautiful and
perfect all on our own. And we refuse to be defined by your definition of
beauty and youth...and marriage! We know marriage will be beautiful, demanding,
hard, rewarding, and incredible when it is the right person. But merely rushing
into it out of social pressure or just because we are freaking out is tragic.
Our time isn't up! Like my friend often says 30s are the new 20s!
Know that your
remarks are flippant and we take them on the chin but for someone who may be
less poised about herself, these words could be venomous. Your words may cause
some vulnerable women to doubt their choices and become regretful. Isn't that
mean of you to make others feel that way?
Isn’t it time we
stopped dictating women on the subject of marriage? Isn’t it time we gave equal
celebration to women who have successful careers and are seeking to advance
further?
So aunty ji, if
ever again you're at a wedding or any gathering and you see an independent
woman striding along - the kind who is blazing a trail through the world in her
field and spearheading her own business, that's when you find another woman and
tell her 'Hey! Hopefully, you're next in the league of successful women!'
P.S when we finally decide to tie the knot, you've bleak chances to make it to our guest lists!
Yours Not-so-Lovingly
The Single Women's Coven
